How To Spot an Abuser- Clue #3: Walking on Egg Shells

While the signs of physical abuse are more obvious, the more subtle ones of emotional abuse are sometimes harder to discern. Yet they are just as damaging. This brings us to one of the hallmarks of emotional abuse. You know you are with an abuser if that person has you walking on egg shells.

This means you find yourself tip toeing around your partner’s moods. It’s when you edit your own thoughts and ideas always using a filter before you speak to them. Why? To keep from setting them off.

I found myself in this situation with my ex. When we met, he was Prince Charming, a handsome and sweet man who changed his whole life to move across to move across the country to be with me. What a grand gesture!

It wasn’t long before his jealousy started. More and more he’d blow up over other guys and spent a lot of time monitoring and accusing me of fabricated infidelities.

In contrast to my former free-spirited, confident and comedic self, I found myself hypervigilant about his moods. I was on lookout for signs of trouble. Trouble became any comment, person, place or thing that would set him off. It was anything that could lead to a fight like friends visiting, me going out and especially any another man who dared compliment me or show interest.

When I made jokes he didn’t like he would bring it up later at full volume in my face. If some guy made any overture in my direction I could count on hours of drama.

I’d be sweating over how my ex would take me hugging a friend or if I should say anything positive that he could misconstrue as interest in a member of the opposite sex.

He wore me down because the level of scrutiny was such a drain that it wasn’t worth it to me anymore. I started avoiding conflict by bowing out of invitations to clubs, friends my ex didn’t like and situations that could trigger him. I was definitely walking on egg shells to avoid his verbal abuse.

Previously by favorite thing in the world was dancing but that was a major trigger which really annoyed me.

It took longer for me to leave because these red flags started subtly. Even as a former hotline volunteer for a domestic violence and rape shelter and a social worker, I wasn’t sure. Because just as quickly, he would become loving and back to his old self and there were periods of relative calm.

While I was plotting to leave I tiptoed around to prevent a blow up. The night before I left, the scrawl in my journal reveals the level of stealth mode I was operating under. I remember being amazed at how alienated I had become.

If you’ve witnessed any of the domestic violence warning signs, it’s important to recognize that domestic violence is not normal, and no human being ever deserves to be abused. There is no shame in seeking help or looking for an escape. You have the power to help yourself.

For crisis and counseling services, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1–800–799–7233 or TTY 1–800–787–3224.

Hotline advocates are available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and 365 days a year to provide confidential crisis intervention, safety planning, information and referrals to agencies in all 50 states, Puerto Rico and the U.S. Virgin Islands.

For more info on the red flags of unhealthy relationships and the green flags of healthy ones visit me here: https://theyogascribe.wixsite.com/mysite

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